Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
