We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
