So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
