It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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