I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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