sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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