.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
God I need to hump something, right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
