you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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