At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
