my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm getting married
To pizza
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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