last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
