I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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