just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
