we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
