Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sober January is a disaster.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
