So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drake has all the answers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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