is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
