Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
