if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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