You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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