I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
