My Higher Power is John Stamos
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
