I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize