we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
