All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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