You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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