"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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