My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
