i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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