Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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