Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize