YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
