Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
