Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
