Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
