if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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