the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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