i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
