i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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