i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
