So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
