your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
