I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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