so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
