The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
