does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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