Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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