4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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