In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
