he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
