The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize