So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
