I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
