Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
