I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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