I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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