I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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