I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
