so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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