so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
