Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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