sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
