so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
