Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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