dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
