The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
