dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
