I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
