I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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