Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
