He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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