TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
