I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
