god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
