He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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