Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What a dumb baby whore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
