We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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