im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
