I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
false alarm, still single
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