I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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